Currently Reading American Jesus: How the Son of God Became a National Icon By Stephen Prothero see related

I need a big loan from the girl zone

My fellow xangaers, how's it going.  Is it just me, or is this summer going by so fast that it makes you want to cry?  So far, I have done close to nothing on my thesis research, and am feeling more and more hasselled by my day job in the lab.  This week, I had to meet with my boss for the first time in a year, and she basically gave me a ton of responsibilities when she realized that I have a wealth of knowledge that nobody else in the lab will possess once John (my platonic husband) leaves.  Its nice to (finally) be appreciated for everything I know in the lab, but it would have been nice if it all could have happened before I left working full-time.  And since the boss has given the go-ahead, everyone in the lab is feeling free to dump experiments on me, several of which involve way more brain power than I am comfortable with.  I go home every night now thinking about my lab responsibilities, and my thesis research has taken a definite backseat.  But what's a girl to do?  The money sure isn't coming in from me researching about green burials...

So, last weekend was my birthday, and I have to tell you, it was yet another disappointment.  I basically need to start forgetting my birthday all together from now on, because remembering it only brings heartache.  I really do try not to build anything up in my head as far as exciting birthday expectations, but there is always a secret part of my brain that is hoping for something magical to happen.  Instead, most people forget altogether that its my birthday and I end up doing nothing but fighting with Chris and cleaning the house.  I get so bummed out on birthdays now when people don't remember, but then I feel all guilty for being bummed because I so often forget other people's birthdays.  So then I just feel like a hypocritical ass and the whole day is one big pity party. 

I also have been whining and feeling sorry for myself because I am starting to realize that I have no true friends in this town anymore.  Many of the people I thought were friends have moved or had babies, and therefore we never see each other.  And there are other people who I'm just friendly with, but they are often just appeasing me with conversation until someone more interesting comes along.  This was especially illuminated at Gay Pride last weekend, which used to be kind of fun time, as most of my friends in town are gay.  But since the gay bar closed, I never see half of my old pals, and the other half just have better things going on that night.  And I know I can't entirely blame people who I don't really list as true friends as giving me a cold shoulder, but it just tends to wear you down, especially when you don't have go-to true friends when the acquantances move on.  It all just got me feeling very depressed.

Which gets me to another point, I have few to no good girl friends in this town.  Sure, I have a couple of grad school friends who I really like, but they always have their own things going on on the weekends, and so we see each other maybe once or twice a week, talk for an hour or two, and then they take off for the nights and weekends, not to be seen again til the next week's afternoons.  Therefore, there are no drunken confidences shared, no fun weekend trips, and not even any dinner dates.  The lack of girls in my life was especially present this weekend when we went to Montreal with Lyon, Johnst, and met up with my friend, Corbett.  It was an okay time and everything, but I sincerely wanted to go clothes shopping (especially since Steph and Ang bought me a gift card just for that purpose) but there was no way I would be able to do it with these boys.  After telling Chris about my non-shopping disappointment in Montreal, he told me that I only had myself to blame since I never brought it up while we were there, but what is the point?  I know that shopping is the last thing those boys want to do, and dragging them along begrudgingly would only make my life worse.  Plus its just no fun to shop with people who are grumbling at you to hurry up and subtely guilting you for buying new clothes anyway.  I need some girlfriends, damnit!! Girlfriends who will tell me to buy something because it looks cute, even if it is a little pricier than what my conscience allows.  Girlfriends who will offer me fashion tips and tell me not to feel guilty about wanting to look good every now and then.  Girlfriends who will share the joy of watching a hot Gary Oldman as Sirius Black and then get drunk with me, embarrass ourselves by saying stupid stuff, and then dancing all night.  This has all been conspiciously absent in my life since YOTG and China, and I want it back!!!

Well, I guess that's enough of my bitches for the week.  I love how I really only post on xanga when I just need to get something off of my chest, and so therefore I probably look like the biggest, whiniest baby in the world to people who read this.  Whatevs.  Well, have a great weekend everyone, only 6 weeks of summer left.

The Longest Day of the Year

Well, I've thought it over, and maybe everyone is on hiatus from internet for the summer, but I feel it is necessary for me to return to my xanga post, with or without readers.  This thing has been too good to me over the years, as it has allowed me to air everything from my hatred of Fergie, to my conversion to Fergie disciple, to my greatest fears and insecurities, and it has seen me through getting out of my job (which I am still at right now, incidentally) and into a grad program and through my first year, so I can't just abandon ship.  I am going down with it, damnit, until the sharks eat my ragin' body!! 

So after much consideration and the fact that work is really boring today, I begin my first xanga post in two and a half months...Where to begin?  So much has happened in the transition from school to summer.  First off was my hellish thesis proposal writing.  I decided to do my thesis on Green Funerals and have tentatively titled my thesis "Turning up Daisies: An Environmental and Spiritual Examination of Green Burials".  Pretty clever, huh?  Much better than Chris's recommended title: Snooze-a-Roo.  Anyway, I basically spent the last 3 weeks of my first year of graduate work in pure hell land trying to churn the proposal out in time to get it approved before the summer.  Luckily, I have an awesome advisor and committee who approved the thing and even complimented me on my work.  So now I just have that whole thesis to research and write, but that should be cake compared to the proposal, right?...right?

So with the evil proposal and my bipolar attitude behind me, I was off to YOTG (and Steph's wedding) in Colorado.  It was pretty much awesome times all around.  I love friends that you don't have to nurse along forever and you can get together after a year of not really keeping up and it feels like you never left.  They are the best.  

So after YOTG was my adventure in China.  And of course, being my first trans-continental flight, it couldn't go off without incident.  So, as we are taking off, one of our jet engines blew.  And the most pathetic thing is that even though I saw flames "spew" from the engine, I thought to myself "hmm, that doesn't seem right but what can you do, huh?"  15 minutes later the captain came on and told us that we would have to dump something in the order of 170,000 lbs of jet fuel before coming in for a landing.  No wonder our gas prices and airline ticket prices are so high!  So after Virginia was thoroughly coated in jet fuel, we landed and were told to go to a hotel because we would not be going to China that day.  Wonderful, my first trip off the continent and it is shortened by a day.  Luckily, my harrowing ordeal was documented in the Washington Post (as well as in my forthcoming tell-all book: The Spew of Death: Terror on United Flight 897) and I met 4 people also in my predicament and we did what we had to do in such situations: we went out and got completely sloshed.  So my 13 hour flight the next morning came tinged with hangover. 

China was pretty amazing, but I always have to be a negative Nancy and am never satisfied.  Erin concurs that for us, nothing is never enough.  I mean, I headed to China thinking my life was going to be changed by what I saw, that I would be tested on my own abilities to handle foreign situations, and I would come out a victor, ready to face the world I come from in a whole different light.  But instead, even though I had a great time and did learn a thing a two, most of me just left wanting more and kind of feeling like a lame tourist.  Part of me just wants to jump right into a foreign situation with no Erin and Min and a nice hotel safety net and really test my limits.  But then the other part of me just doesn't want to put up with the hassle of it all.  I don't know whether to think my restlessness is a blessing or a curse.  I mean, it sucks to never feel satisfied, but at least I am pushed to do something with myself.  One can only spend so many days on the couch watching Celebrity Fit Club, eating chips, and comparing your body fat to that of Tiffany and Screech before you realize that something must be done, asap.  (On a side note, I really think I need to cancel my cable in the summer). 

So now I am back at work and forgetting all about how much work school really is.  I have got to get started on my thesis research soon, which I am only halfway looking forward to.  But thank god it will get me out of the lab. 

That is about it for me, but just to throw you a bone of my rages, has anyone heard this freaking Lil' Mama "Lipgloss" song?  Sample lyric: "What you know bout me?  They say my lipgloss be cool, my lipgloss be poppin' "  Are we really at the point in hiphop where people have run out of personal things to brag about, like rappin' skillz, and have moved on to bragging about the ability to choose cosmetics?   I mean, at least Grillz cost money, but lip gloss?  You can get that shit in a bathroom dispenser for like 50 cents!! 

Everyone please follow my lead and throw out a summer xanga bone.  I miss this world.

What deadlines?

Okay, it has been over a month since my last post, that is really pathetic and sad.  But you will be happy to know that not only has xanga been ignored, but basically all of my responsibilities have as well.  And I have an excuse for missing most of March: March basically didn't exist in my world.  I was gone the first week of March to go to my grandmother's funeral and the 3rd week of March I went to Florida for a class trip, so basically March was just a blip on the radar screen.  The only thing that grounded me to March was the fact that my Brokeback Mountain calendar had the hottest pic of Jack and Ennis together.  So whatever was left of March was basically spent in bliss staring at my boys. 

Anyway, I also have put off posting because I wanted to post some Florida pics and I haven't gotten around to getting the off the cam yet, and the Chinese government has apparently cracked down and disallowed xanga.  So Erin can no longer read all of our precious ramblings, much to her dismay.  So that is why Erin has not posted or commented on your blog posts, if you weren't in the know.

So basically I have just been trying to get whatever work done that I can and try to picture myself writing my thesis proposal in the coming weeks.  I have decided to do my thesis on the Green Burial movement and explore why our culture treats the dead like we do.  It is pretty interesting but also pretty macabre and I just read one book that made me cry like 15 times.  But I think it is pretty important to understand and come to terms with this stuff, so I guess I will get through it.

Which brings me to my question for all you grad students out there.  Do you have a major problem taking deadlines seriously like I do?  I mean, if something isn't for a class where I know I'm getting a grade, I really just ignore my self-imposed deadlines.  It is really pathetic and I really worry about my future and getting this thesis thing done.  Any advice on fooling yourself into taking deadlines seriously? 

So this a pretty pathetic post to follow a prolonged absence, but what are you going to do?  At least I got something down.  Hope everyone is doing well.  Jonah, post more about your job.  I want to live vicariously through you and dream about a day when I might have a job in my field of interest.

I will post pics of Florida soon and detail the craziness there, if anyone is interested.

Currently Listening FutureSex / LoveSounds By Justin Timberlake What goes around Comes Around!! see related

Anti-socialness and a Case of the Blahs

Okay, I know I have been bad by keeping away from xanga yet another week or two.  In fact, if you are my friend, you have probably been feeling ignored by me lately, because I have been so anti-social this semester, it is astounding.  I just have such a case of the Blahs lately.  I don't even want to leave my house most days.  And the past week did nothing to help my motivation factor.  As Lyon mentioned last week on his blog, we got a TON of snow.  We literally broke records and Burlington had the most snow in a 24 hour period ever save a time back in 1977 or something.  We got about 2 and 1/2 feet which actually caused UVM to close for 1.5 days!!  That is totally unheard of around here.  My advisor said it literally happens about once every 50 years that this University cancels classes.  So basically, I stayed home and did nothing but eat yummy cookies that Chris's mom sent us in the mail.  And I did some reading and grading of tests, but that is too boring to mention.

Actually, I have been really into my reading this semester.  Did you ever read something that made so much sense that it was like the clouds in your head cleared and you heard angels singing "hallelujah"?  Well, I haven't had that either, but it has been kind of close to that lately.  I am reading a great book by Rosemary Radford Ruether (who is my new favorite scholar) called Integrated Ecofeminism, Globalization, and World Religions.  It is a short little book but man is it pumped full of good information.  And I feel like all of my classes are lined up so well together this semester.  Each one has readings that fully complement or overlap with the others, and it is wonderful.  So the reading is going really well this semester, but that is about it.

As I was waiting for class to start today, I realized that we are a week and a half away from March!  How did this happen?  By March, I was supposed to have my thesis topic picked out and be ready to dive into my proposal.  But that is so far from where I am in reality.  And I am going away on this Spring Break trip to Florida and have to do all this research before I go and have it done by March 2!  I haven't even started yet!!  And it means that I lose a full week of working time for my thesis stuff.  It is pretty ridiculous.  I have decided I need to implement a pressuring plan with a fellow grad friend of mine.  If my plan works and she agrees, we will pressure each other to get our proposals written, come hell or high water.  I can't deal with this lack of deadlines on this stuff in grad school.  I can't regulate myself, and bring the whip down on my own back. 

Anyway, enough about me and my procrastinating, let's talk about me and my non-plan for the summer!  Seriously, I have to figure something out!  I have no funding this summer, so its either find a cool summer job that somehow relates to my thesis research, or end up working in my stupid lab and being depressed all summer.  What am I gonna do?  And I have to go to Steph's wedding, and to China, but I don't know where the funds are going to come from to pay the rent when I get back!!

Okay, this blog entry has successfully stressed me out even more.  I need to change the subject... Here are the top headlines in my life.

MCCAIN SAYS ROE V. WADE SHOULD BE OVERTURNED!!!

BRITNEY SHAVED HER HEAD!!!!

HEIDI IS BACK WITH SPENCER!!!

Okay, that first one really isn't as important as the other two.  I have to say that the editors of The Hills are geniuses.  I mean, they have managed to make Lauren Conrad look like one of the smartest people alive lately.  She is so wise.